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Witness the thought

Posted on 27 November, 2016 at 23:55 Comments comments (2)

https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/11/24/witness-the-thought/


 

As a thinker, my thoughts have usually led the way forward. But the more I learn about my mind, the more mindful I’m becoming in my use of it.

Our mind is an accumulation of past experiences. So, allowing it to guide us, is like giving our memories control over our future. Therefore, the quality of our lives will depend greatly upon the kind of experiences that we have had.

For me, understanding that our mind is like a computer, helps me to become more mindful in my interactions.

Basically …

The CONSCIOUS mind is only a small part of our mind (10%). It’s the keyboard and screen, where information is gathered from our lived experiences. It’s where the “known” data from our inner self and outer world is typed into the system, which is then communicated via our thought, speech and writing etc.

The SUBCONSCIOUS mind is the RAM (Random Access Memory data storage), where our recent memories are stored. This part of our mind communicates between our conscious and unconcious mind. Its where our reoccurring thoughts, behavioural patterns, habits and feelings are made sense of.

The UNCONSCIOUS mind is the hard drive, where ALL of our memories are stored. Its where we communicate and make sense of our world through our feelings, sensations, imagination and dreams. It’s focus is keeping us safe, by ensuring our survival.

However, the biggest battles for survival often occur within our very own minds. It’s where we experience the destructive power and influence of our own fear based thoughts. It’s important to note that our biggest blockages to creating the life we imagine is our thinking.

Now, there’s an empowering thought to hold onto. Because the more personal responsibility we take, the more ability we have to CHANGE our experience ☺

Ultimately, whether we believe that we are a soul having a human experience (or) if we are human beings having a soulful experience. We are steering the vessel in which we inhabit. Therefore, understanding how our mind works is pivotal, in our ability of becoming skilled Captains of our own ship.

Please understand that our fear based thinking, has just as much purpose as any other thought we have. So trying to avoid or eliminate them, can be just as self destructive. Our fear based thinking stems from previous experiences we’ve had, and it simply serves to protect us from any future harm.

For me, this understanding helps me to gaze a little more gently upon those thoughts as they arise, which then helps me to expose the true source of my fear.

“To love, is to risk not being loved in return. To hope, is to risk pain. To try, is to risk failure. But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life. Is to risk nothing” (Leo Buscaglia)

Afterall, we all want those wonderful feel good experiences of love and success, but how many of us can honestly say that we want to experience the pain of loss or the suffering of failure ?

Hmmmmmmm … she ponders ��

During my own experiences, I’ve sat with that very question and have dug deep, while sitting in the dark depths of my despair. Striving to gain insight into the source of my own fears and hurts. And I’ve discovered some wonderful gems lurking in the depths.

As a thinker, I’m learning the value of feeling my way into my thoughts.

I’m also learning …

That trusting our heart is how we open ourselves up to love. Our open heart, exposes and heals our deepest wounds. So we are able to open up our minds to experience even more love.

As our unconscious mind becomes more and more conscious, we flow with our emotions and sensations, which helps us to feel our experiences.

The more we open, feel and flow in life, the more we activate our imaginations, which taps into the magic awaiting to be unlocked from our hearts and minds.

And this is how we begin creating the life we imagine and turning our dreams into reality.

Mindful interaction

CLICK on the link above the image to access this and more on my Breaking the habitz blog :)


Be the change our world seeks

Posted on 27 November, 2016 at 23:40 Comments comments (1)

https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/11/17/be-the-change-our-world-seeks/


Whether you believe that peace on Earth is a realistic goal to achieve or an unattainable dream … YOU are right

Whether you believe that sacred union with your beloved is within reach or an unrealistic fantasy … YOU are right

Whether you believe magic exists as an energy flowing within and around us or is make believe … YOU are right

Whatever we BELIEVE is truth, we LIVE and experience that truth as our reality.

Ive been reflecting as my own reality begins to go through some very big changes, and thought I’d share the process as I’m experiencing it for myself. In the hope that it may offer some insight, to those of you who seek to create change in your own lives.

How do we change our reality ?

Dream it .. Imagine it .. Believe it .. Action it .. Create it .. Live it

I keep repeating this mantra because I believe it breaks down the stages we move through really well. It helps me to identify where I’m stuck and why the energy isn’t flowing. I often check in with myself and ask …

Is this my own dream I am creating ?

Can I imagine what this new reality would look and feel like ?

Do I believe in my ability to create this reality ? Do I believe I am worthy of this reality ?

What am I doing to help the dream come to life ?

Our answers then serve to guide us

If we seek to change our experience and create a different reality, then we must actively work on removing any blocks, that may be preventing the flow of energy between ourselves and Universe. Because we need this energy to help us create the change.

How do we flow with Universe ?

Well, there are those who will try and convince us that we only need to BE love and ever present, while gazing up at the stars and manifesting with the moon. While others tell us to live a more conscious life with open heart and mind, while offering limited guidance into how the actual fuck we do it.

Its not enough to just stand in the light with intentions of being forever loving. That kind of thinking only serves to avoid the truth of who we really are. Which is a beautiful combination of complex contradictions.

For our spiritual growth to be sustainable, we need to maintain a solid foundation of self. Otherwise its all just airy fairy fleeting talk, which only leads to more wounding of self and others.

Its time to get REAL !!!

By challenging and changing our thinking, ridding ourselves of any limiting beliefs. Allowing our emotions to rise and flow without restriction. Accepting our shadow self and integrating our polarities. Healing our heart hurts and overcoming our fears.

Yes, spiritual growth takes ALOT of work and its work that no one else can see, which can become very disheartening at times. Especially when you’re not yet seeing the results you want. Especially when you’re sitting in the midst of chaos. Especially when you feel and look like complete shit. Especially when you’re loosing, hurting, failing, breaking and struggling in life.

My darling, keep on pushing through because YOU are worth it, is what I often say to myself during those times.

Alas, diving into ourselves is time consuming and standing in our truth isn’t always so easy to do. Because we often avoid and deny aspects of ourselves, when its difficult to confront the truth of who we really are.

However, if we don’t actively stand in and express our truth, then it can bubble up under the surface. Causing all kinds of internal confusions and challenges, that spill over into all other areas of our lives. Causing all kinds of external conflicts and catastrophes. Until eventually change is forced upon us.

And we acknowledge the truth as it really is, which is an essential part of our journey towards self love, following our passion, living our purpose and ultimately creating the life we imagine.

Striving towards peace on Earth, soul connections, divine union with our beloved and living a life of magic requires growth. So trusting that this process has divine purpose is how I’m learning to flow with a little more ease, especially during times of uncertainty.

Because its during our uncertainties that we begin to experience our biggest resistance, which can cause more tension and conflict and hurt more than the actual growing pains themselves.

Yes, growth is painful.

As we drop the masks, knock down the walls and rip off the band aids, we find the wounds festering beneath the surface.

The healing begins …

As we observe and process our conflicting thoughts, our minds OPEN and we begin to experience more tensions and conflicts within ourselves and our relationships.

As we allow and flow with our emotions our hearts OPEN and we begin to feel our way through the experiences.

We need to prepare ourselves for the truth that it WILL get hard, we WILL want to seek escape from ourselves, we WILL seek out love from others and we WILL want to quit

In our solitudinal bliss we WILL also experience our deepest and darkest depths of despair

This is all part of the change process and if we resist this state of being, then we remain stuck, we experience stress and we suffer, which I believe is the primary cause of dis-EASE.

So, when I begin to feel tensions, conflicts, resistance, avoidance, stuckness and stress I start checking in with myself, by asking …

What am I thinking ?

What am I feeling ?

What am I doing ?

What am I avoiding ?

What am I imagining ?

I strongly believe that its not enough to want and wish for change. We must be willing to do the work and I’m learning the importance of asking the right questions. So I ask YOU …

Are you living the life you imagine ?

Is life an ongoing struggle for you ?

If you want to create a different reality, then I challenge you to accept complete responsibility for your experience. I invite you to seek support and dive deeper into yourself. Explore your deepest thoughts and feelings. Connect with your inner self, others, Nature and Universe. I encourage you to stand in and express your truth, however beautiful or ugly it is. And I suggest that you fall in love with yourself.

Dare to BE the change that our world seeks

Mindful interaction

CLICK on the link above the image to access this and more on my Breaking the habitz blog :)



We have the key to unlock the full potential of our hearts and minds

Posted on 22 July, 2016 at 4:30 Comments comments (0)

https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/05/01/how-do-we-live-in-more-harmony/


"Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it"


This tickles my funny bone, but there's a seriousness about it that concerns me. Too many people are moving through life allowing the brain to be in complete control. As if she is the driver of our vehicle


IF you share this belief this, then ...


WARNING : Your mind is in URGENT need of a software upgrade !!!


This is an outdated belief that holds us back from living the life we imagine


Yes, our brains are beautiful, amazing and fucking magnificent creations


However, she's programmed with a heap of data about the past. She makes choices by drawing upon information from all of our previous experiences. She navigates using old road maps, directing us towards choices and decisions that SHE thinks is safe for us, because she wants to protect us


But ...


WHAT IF we no longer believe old roads can take us where we want to go ?

WHAT IF we no longer believe that safer choices are the better choices ?

WHAT IF we want to go trail blazing and explore new roads/directions ?

WHAT IF we want to turn OFF the nav man in our heads ?

WHAT IF tuning into our hearts will lead us to where we need to go ?

WHAT IF we decide to open up to spirit and allow universe to guide us ?


Oh my lordy ...


... then get ready to experience a whole lot of internal conflict


As our ego driven mind fights to stay in control of the vehicle. She does this because she loves us and wants so desperately to keep us safe from harm. Its been her job for so many years to keep our heart out of trouble because shes the one who is forced to take control whenever our heart has convinced the mind to trust in love and follow her lead into heart tensions and conflicts. Shes the one saying " I told ya so" when our hearts have been broken. Shes the one left to clean up all the mess


But ...


WHAT IF we no longer believe avoiding pain is what life is all about ?

WHAT IF we no longer believe that a broken heart is a bad thing ?

WHAT IF we need the hurt as much as we need the love to grow ?

WHAT IF a broken heart is OPEN to receive more love ?

WHAT IF experiences of pain are symptoms of blockages ?

WHAT IF we want to learn MORE about such things ?


Oh my lordy ...


Bbrace yourself for one heck of a ride because lifes about to get VERY interesting


As our heart and mind start to learn how to steer the vehicle together as equal partners. The brain learns how to trust the heart, which brings in more experiences of "feeling", both good and bad. The heart learns how to appreciate the brain, which unlocks more creative potential and allows us to CREATE something NEW


Hmmmmm ...she ponders


Imagine the possibilities


Therefore, isn't it logical to assume that if we are experiencing any internal tension and conflict between our own heart and mind , then we will also stand to experience more tension and conflict with others ?


WHAT IF our external conflicts are directing us towards conflict within ourselves that need to be resolved ?


WHAT IF we have the ability to improve ALL of our relationships with others, by first improving our relationship with our-self ?


WHAT IF choosing to follow our hearts and love our self first, isn't selfish ?


WHAT IF loving our self has a greater purpose for the greater good ?


WHAT IF living the life we imagine is an essential part of changing our world for the better ?


I believe that we will begin to live in more harmony with each other, only when we begin to live in more harmony with ourselves. A belief that continues to motivate me to explore my internal world as much as my external world


Shhhh ... listen to YOUR heart

Mindfuliteraction

CLICK on the link above to access my blog Breaking the Habitz :)


What is she telling you ?

 

Dare to manifest your dreams

Posted on 22 July, 2016 at 4:00 Comments comments (0)

https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/08/23/dare-to-dream/


Do YOU dare to manifest your dream ?

Here are some great questions that will help you to discover exactly what and why you want to manifest …

Are you clear about what it is you want to manifest ?

What do you truly desire ?

Does thinking about it excite you ?

Would this desire hurt anyone ?

How would it positively impact on your life and the life of others ?

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to manifest this dream into reality ?

Reflect over y0ur answers because what we think and how we feel influences our energetic vibration, which impacts on what we will ultimately attract into our lives. So, the more gratitude, joy and excitement we feel, the more Universe will respond to that vibration and our desires and dreams will begin to manifest much quicker.

But successful manifesting demands us to be in the heart space of FEELING

Diving deeper into our thoughts and feelings helps us to clear out anything that may be blocking the flow of energy between us and Universe. Our blockages are any negative thought patterns, unexpressed emotions and/or limiting beliefs that prevent the natural flow of energy. These are our biggest obstacles that prevent us from successfully manifesting our desires, achieving our dreams, living a life of abundance and creating the life we imagine.

We also need to be clear about the feeling we want to experience.

For example …

A desire to manifest more money is generally related to the want to experience more freedom. A desire for a soul mate is generally related to the want to experience more love. A desire to manifest a dream job is generally related to the want to experience more creativity and inspiration. Experiencing more freedom, love, creativity and inspiration in our lives not only brings more joy to our own lives, it also empowers us to inspire others to do the same.

When we want to feed back good energy into our world, then our intentions are to serve the greater good. Universe likes this ALOT and will conspire to make your wildest dreams come true. However, we must be prepared to receive some unexpected twists and turns because sometimes we need to experience something important before we are able to fully receive our desire. So it may feel like we are going off track and going in the opposite direction to what we actually want to manifest.

Trusting this is challenging and we can start to loose heart, but we are being guided towards an experience that’s creating space and preparing us to receive what we asked for. At times it may feel like the Universe is testing us … it is

When we choose to manifest our desires, our path can often change direction, which impacts on our own life and the lives of others. Our choices may cause indirect harm if we are no longer satisfying the needs of someone else.

For example …

If we decide that we want to manifest our dream job, then we might need to further our education. Maybe our classes occur at the same time as our son goes to soccer practice, that we have always attended. So we disappoint our son by not being there to support him.

If we decide we want to manifest a more satisfying relationship, then we might need to let go of the relationship we are currently in. So we hurt our partner when we tell them that the relationship is over.

But we need to ask ourselves …

Do we feel responsible for the other persons experience, and if so … WHY ?

Each of us are here to follow our own path, learning and growing from our own experiences on our journey. If we feel responsible for someone elses life, are we truly following our own path or are we living out someone elses life, based on the expectations that others have of us ?

We can often convince ourselves that our needs come secondary to our family.

Our dreams and desires put aside until our son graduates high school, until our daughter successfully achieves her goals, until our children leave home, until our husband is in a better paying job, until we loose all of our excess weight, until we have this, until we find that, until we feel ready.

What the fuck are we waiting for ?

“Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening NOW”

The bigger our dream, the deeper our desire will be and the more effort will be required to successfully manifest it …

So, if YOU are willing to commit to creating the reality you imagine, then you are ready to start manifesting. If you’re keen to explore this further then click on the link below and enjoy creating your own kinda magic with the support and guidance of Sarah Prout 

http://sarahprout.com

And feel free to follow my progress as I manifest my own dreams into reality

Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above to access my blog Breaking the Habitz :)

The liberations of truth

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https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/01/14/the-liberations-of-truth/


Trusting this process without hanging on is how we flow with change, which isn’t always easy. Especially when someone else is involved and especially when it means walking away from something or someone we thought we wanted

The liberation of truth is the process of freeing ourselves from someone elses control or freeing someone else from our control

My recent blog about letting go of a past love caused a reaction with my current lover, which then woke me up to my own truth. A lover who also claims to love me deeply, yet also loves me with limitations and restrictions based on his situation and choices. Although I wasn’t aware of his situation in its entirety until he eventually shared his truth some months later, I still chose to maintain our intimate connection and was settling for less than what I truly wanted and deserved

In truth, the tensions began niggling at me early on but I trusted what he told me more than I trusted those niggles of tension. Even when others voiced those niggles out loud, I didn’t really listen … WHY ? … because I believed I was getting what I wanted, which was an extraordinary energy connection that was blowing my entire being wide open

Being the kinda woman who will always explore something that she has never experienced before, I told myself that although he wasn’t able to give me everything I wanted, I didn’t really see a future with him anyways, so it was OK. I told myself that so long as we were both being open and honest with each other, then it was OK

Hmmmmm … how easy it is to lie to ourselves

Our tensions increase conflict, which are ALWAYS valuable opportunities to hopefully communicate our truths and increase understandings. However, not everyone can appreciate that and so we must also acknowledge when to say enough is enough

But how do we know when enough is enough ?

How do we say it in a loving way ?

How do we walk away from someone knowing how much our departure is hurting them ?

We listen to those niggles and we share our truth, however difficult it is

We acknowledge that our tensions and discomforts are communicating an internal conflict, which if ignored will only cause us unnecessary suffering

Yes, it takes courage to walk away and let go of those somethings and someones that we once wanted, but YOU are worth it. Yes, we still feel the experience of loss, but YOU can do it. Yes, we may endure those emotional messages or painful silences from the ones we are hurting, but YOU can change it …

In the past I would reply to the begs and pleadings because I hate hurting someone I love and care for (I still do) but it only prolongs both of our suffering. When its time for a reason or season to end, I want so desperately to come to a sense of closure that leaves both of our hearts still in a space of love, instead of hurt. In the past I would become consumed by our pain and struggle to accept the truth, which would continually pull me back into the fantasy of what was, instead of allowing us both to accept the reality and move forward. I would then lose all sense of control over my emotions and become consumed by the hurt, which would set off all those self defenses that projected anger, disappointment and frustration

SELF destruction mode then being activated … BOOM !!!

A place that holds very little space for love because its motivated by the fear of letting go. A place where conflict thrives and suffering persists

But the lesson has been learned

So, its easier … right ?

Not entirely, because it still takes courage to express our truth, knowing that it hurts both ourselves and someone else. It still takes strength to walk away from something we want, knowing its not what we need. It still takes acceptance to flow with our own feelings and so it can still get messy because we are not perfect and we are all learning as we go

Trust the process of liberation and step into freedom


Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above to access this and more on my Breaking the Habitz blog :)

BE the stronger woman

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https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/01/21/be-the-stronger-woman/


Be the stronger woman …

Even though the stronger woman knows that her heart needs time to accept the truth, when its over she is DONE. She knows that focusing on her own self helps her to regain the balance she needs to move her forward into new directions

The stronger woman will always hold love in her heart for someone she once shared love with because it never goes away, nor should it. But shes not the kinda woman who will beg you to stay. She won’t manipulate your emotions and she will never wish you bad karma

The stronger woman walks away because she will never settle for less than and she doesn’t want you to either. She will rise above the blame and take responsibility for her own choices and her forgiving heart will forever defend your choices

The stronger woman doesn’t want a love that holds her down and she will never hold you back. She wants to experience the liberation and exhilaration’s of love. She isn’t afraid to spread her wings and fly alone, nor does she fear jumping into the arms of love

She hopes that her love will set you free

The stronger woman is more interested in sorting out her own messy mind than trying to mess with yours …

I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the lessons I’m learning in love

I hope you do too


Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above to access this and more on my Breaking the Habitz blog :)

Be OPEN to the possibilities

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https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/02/08/be-open-to-the-possibilities/


Changes to my daily routine and recent events has been shifting my energy and emotions around. Some of it good and some of it … not so good

With the lead up to new moon and my menstrual cycle Ive been feeling a little unsettled and very teary. So, today I meditated on it and 2 things surfaced …

The word OPENNESS and an image of a conflicted heart came to mind

Hmmmmmmm ?

It made me think about how each and every experience in life can serve as an opportunity to bring us more love and light. About how our “negative” experiences are also gifts. Because when we start to explore those things that hurt our hearts, we will generally find that its our thoughts and understandings about the experience that hold onto the pain and suffering. The resistance to LET GO being the main cause of our hurt

Once we let go we are more open to new experiences, which brings CHANGE

Change being something that can stir up our fears because being open also means being more vulnerable. A feeling that leaves us open to so many things that can hurt. The main reason why many people choose the comforts of familiarity and the security of routine, instead of standing in their truth, following their hearts and stepping out into the unknown. Into a place of uncertainty that can cause us discomfort

Alas, not everyone is ready to hear the truth … let alone LIVE it

Openness isn’t for everyone all of the time. As hard as it is to believe, even I hold back sometimes. There are parts of ourselves that we only share with those we trust, within our inner circles of support because we have experienced the judgements, the ridicule, the criticism, the betrayal and the misunderstandings

But before standing in a place of judgment or before choosing to engage in mindless gossip about someone elses choices, please remember that …

” Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future “

Both positive and negative aspects of self exists in ALL of us

Until we are able to fully accept and love both shadow and light parts of ourselves and embrace ALL that makes us whole, we are unable to completely accept and love both light and shadow in others

I have a great appreciation for those who openly share their messy thoughts instead of hiding behind false truths. I admire those who seek the lesson from their mistakes. I value those who are willing to hurt with truth rather than comfort with lies. I cherish those who continue to believe in love no matter how many times their hearts have been broken. I fall in love with those who are brave enough to share ALL of who they are so they can become ALL they can be

My motto is … appreciate everything and regret nothing because in the end we only ever regret the chances that we didn’t take

Be OPEN to the possibility of MORE

Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above and access this and more on my blog Breaking the Habitz :)

The quest of a warrior woman

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https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/02/10/the-quest-of-a-warrior-woman/

What is a Warrior Woman ?

A warrior woman is not WHAT she does it is WHO she is …

She is a woman who makes a conscious decision to take control of her own life

She creates positive changes for herself and for her loved ones

She defends core feminine values and serves to empower others

She is strong, independent, ambitious and honorable

She is willing to fight with relentless perseverance for her principles regardless of the outcome

She leads, mentors, encourages, inspires and motivates others

She is soft, sensitive and compassionate

She is highly spirited and expresses herself freely

She knows her words are powerful and uses her voice

She has a “can do” attitude and overcomes obstacles

She falls , but rises bigger, stronger, brighter and more determined each time

She stands on a mountain of spiritual integrity and understands her mission is to serve the greater good

She walks the difficult path of challenging cultural views, unsatisfied by the comfort of status quo

She is resilient and confident

She views adversity as grand opportunities for growth

The warrior woman lives inside ALL of us

She IS your strength and courage to be ALL you can be

To be a warrior we must be willing to change how we see ourselves

Who are YOU ?

So, with that in mind I reflected over my “Get fit and fabulous at 40” quest and thought to myself, how boring and cliche that sounded, which is everything I am not. So, I decided to write about my journey of transformation in the way I feel it. Telling my story, which is about so much more than changing the way I look

I am here to be the best version of myself

As strange as it may sound I can pin point the exact moment in time when I knew my life was going to take a completely different course. I didn’t know why it was happening, I had no clue about how it was going to happen and I had no idea where I was going. I just felt the change in myself. A change that put my in a sudden state of panic

Ironically, it was pretty much to this exact same day 16 years ago. Around February 10th in the year 2000. The exact date is a little blurry because we had flown over to the UK for my Grandas funeral, who died a day before his 79th birthday. I was married with 3 small children and it was my first trip back home. Come to think of it, we also emigrated to Australia February 11th 1991, which was a another huge change in my life

Hardly surprising then, that its around this time again that I’m feeling yet another big shift happening in myself, only this time without the panic. This time I am excited because I know that even though its a place of uncertainty, change IS happening

When I first had this “feeling” back in 2000 I suffered from anxiety and had several panic attacks. It was a place that terrified me, yet something deep inside kept pushing me forward. I fell down into depression many times as I struggled to find my way. It was a very challenging few years because it was like breathing air that felt foreign yet familiar to me. My body reacted as if it was infected by some unknown virus

It was the journey back to myself

Many of us wander off track and loose ourselves. Sometimes we are influenced and drawn into worlds where we don’t really fit, as a result of the choices we have made. Choices that take us to a place where we feel like we are only existing. As if we are living someone elses life. A place where we have feelings of discontentment and a sense of emptiness inside

But … are we really swaying off our path of discovery ? Or are we choosing to walk those paths because they are important experiences for us to have ?

I think that those experiences provide us with the valuable lessons that we need

I believe our choices are all part of our journey back to ourselves 

Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above to access this and more on my Breaking the Habitz blog :)


Lets cut the crap and start being honest with ourselves

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https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/02/24/lets-cut-the-crap-and-start-being-honest-with-ourselves/


Do you remember when our relationship status was this simple ? The good old days when women were courted, engagements were celebrated, marriages were for life, sex wasn’t discussed, a womans place was at home tending to the needs of her family, while men worked long hours and affairs were discreet rendevous, that were carried out in smokey rooms and dark corners.

Hmmmmm … I’m a romantic at heart so the old fashioned courtship is missed, but I for one am relieved that times have changed. Because in the “good old days” far too many women lived a life that focused primarily on everyone elses needs. So gratitudes and appreciations for all those who worked damn hard for the liberation of women because we are no longer reliant upon men. However we now find ourselves confronting a different kind of problem. High rates of unfullfilled relationships and middle aged women struggling to find a satisfying partnership. Women focused on personal growth, who seek a like minded mate to grow in love with. But why are such mates difficult to find?

I believe that the liberation of women plays a part. Both men and women have been somewhat challenged as we determine and adjust to our new relationships and roles. Establishing a state of equilibrium within ourselves and our relationships is an ongoing process that takes time, patience, alot of self reflection and plenty of open dialogue.

Technology also plays a substantial part in our problem because the online dating scene offers us a quick fix to our intimacy needs. Enticing us into a virtual world of opportunity and choice, where intimacy is superficial and shallow. A forum where we can be anyone we want to be. A place where “complication” thrives.

image

So, lets talk about the “its complicated” status because I feel its begging for some air space and it certainly needs some clarification, so we can wake up to the reality of our complicated situations and hopefully begin to start simplifying our lives somewhat.

image

The ” its complicated ” has various levels and YES Ive ticked them ALL

If we are flirting with the idea of being in a relationship then we fall into the FLIRTATIONSHIP category. This complication involves seeking the benefits of a relationship, while not being fully committed to a relationship. They typically define themselves as “friends with benefits.” If I’m being honest I kinda like this complication because with the friendship comes respect. And when there is open communication, there’s no reason why this couple can’t transition from lovers into platonic friendship. But conflict will arise when one person wants and needs more than the other is able to give. Hence the importance of honest communication because that’s the only way this kind of connection can work. This is considered to be the safe zone that we fall back into inbetween relationships with other people.

COURTSHIP is only a complication if one person isn’t interested in pursuing a commited relationship, but they enjoy the old fashioned romance. Yes, I have indulged in the romance of courtship with no intentions of pursuing a relationship. One man even took it to another level by conversing with me in the language of love. Shakespeare. It was a refreshing and delightful experience, but unfortunately it was a brief encounter because he was genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship and I wasn’t. Otherwise I would have indulged and explored the potential of a wonderful romance for a little longer. But for a courtship to flow naturally there must be a genuine interest to commit to each other. If not then you’re being a dick because you’re playing with someones heart.

TEXTATIONSHIPS are very common for online daters, whose intimacy needs are met by communicating via the phone and computer. In my early days of being single, this was enough for me because I didn’t have the confidence to meet men but I enjoyed the conversations. But this kind of complication can soon become a very bad habit, which denies us of human touch. Lack of confidence and a fear of commitment usually plays a big part in this kind of complication. But BEWARE of lies and bullshit because this is an easy way to connect while already in a relationship with someone else.

The SITUATIONSHIP is a complication that often involves a third party. Yes, been there, done that and graduated. Couples can often find themselves in a situation where their relationship is no longer satisfying but they choose neither to work at it or leave it. Instead they choose to exist together, living as room mates. One or both people often seeking sex, love or emotional intimacy from another person. This complication causes all kinds of conflict for everyone concerned. But in my experience Ive found that its usually the 3rd party who causes the most tensions, while the couple are often resistive to change because of what they may risk to loose. A very frustrating situation to find yourself in, especially when genuine feelings of love are shared.

You’de be surprised how many people are engaging in SEXTATIONSHIPS these days, and its not just the singles doing it. Its the safer sex option for anyone looking for cheap thrills and quick fixes, which is why it also appeals to the unfaithful husband or wife. But this is dangerous territory to roam, as it leads to the complicated situationship.

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A question Ive often asked myself over the years. I don’t claim to have all the answers but I do have more questions. If its complicated then what bullshit are we telling ourselves? What’s holding us back from comitting to a relationship?

Those of you who have been blessed in finding the right mate to grow in love with have your own challenges, but I have not walked your path. My lessons in love have involved very different experiences, which you may or may not relate to. But regardless of our relationship status I’m learning the importance of focusing on whats missing within ourselves before we seek out someone else to fill in the empty spaces for us. Maybe then us singles and those in relationships will all enjoy healthier connections, without depending on our partners for our happiness. Just two individuals who are open to grow in love together

Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above to access this and more on my Breaking the Habitz blog :)


The shadow of solitude is loneliness

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https://breakingthehabitz.com/2016/02/27/the-shadow-of-solitude-is-loneliness/


The only way to avoid the feeling of loneliness is to embrace our solitude. We do this by being fully aware of our own presence, rather than the absence of others. Recent changes in my life are placing me in a temporary state of TIME OUT from parenting responsibilities and intimate relationships. A place I am NOT comfortable with being

I am not comfortable because its a place that triggers my fears of abandonment, lack of belonging and purpose. But we can either experience the discomfort of being alone or we can embrace our solitude and dance with our shadow

Are you ready to take the lead ?

We know when our shadow wants to dance with us because we feel restless and uncomfortable. Our motivation and energy fluctuates and reduces. Our thoughts and attitude around ourselves, others, love, work etc become negative and distorted. Our walls, guards and defenses go up. We crave substances (food, cigarettes, booze, drugs). We either want to withdraw or attach to others and we have a strong desire to flee from the life we live. These are all signs that our shadow has something to show us. She wants us to become more aware of ourselves and she will become more relentless in her demands for attention

We may feel her presence as a nagging thought in our minds

We may feel her presence as a sense of knowing in our guts

We may feel her presence as a constant ache in our hearts

We may feel her presence as a persistent twitch in our groins

We may feel her presence as a sense of restlessness in our soul

We may feel her presence as an itch under our skin

She knows where and how to tempt us and she will persist until we heed her call

There was a time when I could easily avoid this part of myself in a variety of different ways. Substance abuse to block out the thoughts. Eat to comfort the uncomfortable feelings. Sleep to avoid thinking and feeling. Have sex and masturbate to ease the twitching groin. Seek out love and support from others to soothe the aching heart. Exercise to ease the restlessness and I used to believe that it was more important to have a positive attitude than it was to just BE

At times I still engage in some those behaviours because I am a perfectly flawed human being, but I do struggle to avoid myself in the same way. In truth some of those behaviours can also be a positive response. But as I drink the wine, eat the food, have the sex, seek the love, take to my bed or exercise, I am more aware of myself than I used to be

“ignorance is bliss” … but only for the ignorant

Most people dont want to hear the truth because they dont want their illusions of truth to be destroyed

Its impossible to believe that we can be positive ALL of the time. Its unrealistic to believe that we only consist of love and light. We ALL have our dark shadows that lurk in the corners and they serve a very important purpose in our growth

Our shadows consist of all our fears, doubts, anger, guilt, shame, self absorption, jealousy and ungratefulness. But the purpose of shadow is NOT to bring us down, her purpose is to bring us to our own attention and help us to face our ugly truths

There will come a time on our journey of self discovery when we will meet our shadow self and we will learn that she is a gift to be cherished

She brings our attention to unhealthy attachments, patterns and behaviours. She shows us what it feels like to loose everything that matters most. She tears down our walls and breaks us wide open. She makes us feel everything we want to run away from and although at times it may feel like we are dying inside, we are actually shedding our skins

How do we dance with our shadow ?

We seek support

We say the thoughts out loud and challenge the nonsense

We express the emotions and stroke them gently with each release

We meditate and sit with the discomfort

We stay open to love

We risk exposing our darkness to the light

Shadow serves our highest purpose by shining light on our darkness

She supports our growth

Trust the process and LETS DANCE

Mindfulinteraction

CLICK on the link above to access this and more on my blog Breaking the Habitz :)